Part 4 today and Emily has found herself in Barrow Haven Asylum. The links to the previous instalments are at the bottom of this post if you need to catch up. The nurse seems rather harsh and poor Emily is about to find out what life in an asylum is really like.

Stolen Identity Part 4 

The nurse left and I walked on trembling legs to the monstrous wardrobe. My breath caught in my chest as the door opened to reveal dresses the likes of which I’d only seen in the windows of Clayton Bridge’s finest stores. Waist clinching designs with fabrics that flowed in all colours. What do I choose? What does a lady wear for breakfast? I thumbed through the different garments mouth hanging open as I tried to decide between royal blue, emerald green, or a sunshine yellow. Blue had always been my favourite colour, but I sighed as I lifted the dress from its hanging place. It laced up the back and there was no way I could put it on myself. I thought of calling the nurse back in to help but decided against it and pulled out the simplest dress I could find. A pale pink. I paired it with the most comfortable black boots ever and after brushing and fixing my hair I pulled the door open.

“About time,” the nurse said, checking her pocket watch.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I’m not used to—“

“No dress maids at Barrow Haven. You’ll have to get used to it. Now hurry yourself up or you’ll find yourself with an empty stomach for the rest of the day and I’m sure that wouldn’t do.”

Her tone was nasty. I should have shouted that they’d made a mistake. That I was Emily and not Clara, but the promise of breakfast prompted silence. I’d wait and speak with Dr Marsh. He’d sort out this mess.

Breakfast was a lavish affair. Silver cutlery, freshly squeezed juice, and the aroma of fresh-baked bread. My stomach growled before we’d even reached the dining hall. My hands fidgeted with the front of my dress and only for the hunger that gnawed at my insides, I would have fled. I would have announced my secret to nurse whatever her name was who marched me down the sterile halls. Barrow Haven was huge and so quiet. We passed a number of people on our way. I avoided eye contact; afraid everyone would see the lies in my eyes. I would confess. I would tell all as soon as I met with Dr Marsh. He’d put everything right. I reminded myself of this over and over again.

Nurse led me to a table, made sure I sat, and then left. I had no idea what to do. The people here, they weren’t like me. They sat up straight, tall and proud on their thrones. Voices mumbled in every direction. A lady, her grey hair neatly secured in a bun sat singing loudly as if performing for an audience. A gentleman in the middle of the room was carrying out a conversation with an invisible person opposite him. This place wasn’t for me. Everything was wrong. I ate in silence. Every morsel a sin, a reminder of what my family couldn’t have, and yet my body betrayed me. Saliva slithered and gathered as my teeth chewed automatically. My stomach groaned in anticipation as it waited for the food to reach it. I wanted to spit it out but that’s the thing with hunger, it takes over and does what it wants. My body wanted food and try as I might to control the situation my mind was forced into an abyss while my body took what it needed. You’d think after the lavish meal last night, I’d be in control, but months of going hungry takes its toll.

Nurse arrived, her bony fingers bit into my shoulder. “Dr Marsh is waiting for you, Lady Clara.”

The way she said my so-called name dripped with venom and I stood stretching myself to my full height as I sucked in a breath and silently prayed for the nightmare to be over.

Dr Marsh with his smiling eyes immediately put me at ease. His voice was soothing and calm. His attentiveness something I wasn’t used to. He was somewhat handsome too although far too old for me. He had to be at least 40. The mahogany desk he sat behind was clean and tidy, files stacked neatly and a notebook and pen open waiting for his words. He watched me, one hand stroking his beard as I took in the room.

“I trust you slept well, Miss Brunsworth, and breakfast was to your liking. Annie will be back in an hour and she’ll give you the guided tour.”

I gulped. He seemed kind, certainly not the type of doctor I’d expected. I glanced up at him. Time to end this charade. “There’s been a mistake, doctor. My name is Emily. I’m not Clara. We switched places for the evening, you see. I should be home with my family. They’ll be worried and Clara—”

“I think we should start from the beginning,” Dr Marsh said, picking up his pen. “See if we can’t get to the bottom of this. How does that sound?”

He seemed honest. He seemed like he cared.

I explained everything, leaving nothing out. Dr Marsh took notes, nodded, and mumbled occasionally, never interrupting.

“So, you see, doctor, it has all been a mistake. I’m sure if you contact Lord Brunsworth he’ll confirm that Clara is at home. I’m not her.”

Dr Marsh placed his pen on the desk and stroked his beard. “That’s quite a believable story and I can see why your family were so insistent that you get help. I understand a marriage has been arranged. Can you tell me how you feel about that? Perhaps it will help. I believe your delusions could stem from it.”

“I’m not Clara! I don’t know anything about a marriage.” I shoved the chair back. “Why won’t you believe me? I may look like her but that is all. I know nothing about how to behave like her. She said it would only be for a couple of hours. My family needed the help.”

Tears slipped down my cheeks as the doctor rounded the desk and placed a hand on my shoulder. “It can be difficult facing the truth, Clara, but rest assured I’ll have you as good as new before the month is out. Barrow Haven has the best reputation in the country.”

“I’m not her.”

He sighed. “We’ll try again tomorrow. Think about why you’re doing this, Clara. Why you would want to fabricate such a delusion. Perhaps a stroll in the gardens will help clear your mind. Annie will take you outside.” He turned and opened the door beckoning for someone. The nurse, Annie, entered. “Our session is over. Will you take Lady Clara outside? The fresh air might help.”

“Of course, Doctor.”

#

That’s it for today. What will a walk in the garden bring for Emily?

If you need to catch up on any of the previous instalments, the links are below.

Stolen Identity Part 1
Stolen Identity Part 2
Stolen Identity Part 3

Until next time,

Keep reading and writing,

Amanda